she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Enjoy the penises
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
