dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
