Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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