I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
