i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
