no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
