all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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