hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
