If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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