i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
