Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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