Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
