Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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