the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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