I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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