Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
