I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Randomize
