Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
