I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize