Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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