i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize