..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Floor bacon is actually really good
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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