guys are only as good as the porn they watch
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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