I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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