everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
