Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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