I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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