sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
