Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
