my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
