shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
