Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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