Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
