and my herpes radar will keep us safe
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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