Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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