I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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