omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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