I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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