Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
