it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
