break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
