So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
