so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
