I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
