just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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