Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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