Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize