I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
