well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
