it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
