Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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