these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
