That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
