eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
