Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
