I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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