i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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