We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
