you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize