I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Randomize
