wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
