Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
