I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
