Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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