You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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