You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize