So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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