Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
