I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
