If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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