i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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