I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
