Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Randomize
