.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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